Random Thoughts


There’s an inner landscape, and then there’s reality.  For some, reality is a pale ghost of what the inner landscape contains.  We’re known by our expressions, both facial and verbal.  Yet the content of one’s inner world is something that can’t be shared in simple conversation.  It’s a depth that must be plumbed alone, and often the only understanding that you’ll find is through relation to art.  That’s why it’s important for those of us who are reticent about the real world, yet teeming with inner life, to find a medium through which to actually live.  Because if we go through life without finding this, in some ways it’s as though we never lived at all.  The ideals and longings and adventures inside of us are a large part of our identity — to carry on in a fashion that is too stoic or reserved means to live and die having only been known as an Everyman.

It’s impossible to show the deconstruction, and gradual reconstruction of a persona, when the moment of change itself is unfathomable.  It comes like a tornado and obliterates everything into millions of pieces.  It’s followed by a period of shock.  Then, after some reflection, what once was is recognizable only by the rubble that remains.


Is that what happens to people when they lose their way…?  First you wander around aimlessly.  It seems all for naught until you find that box, filled with your precious memories.  One by one, you look through each piece, dusting it off and examining it.  They’re broken fragments of dreams, and jagged pieces of what you were once becoming.  If you’re really, really, lost – I think it’s OK to pick them up and try to reassemble them.  I think it’s OK to pretend for a little while, that putting all those pieces together will make you back into the person you once were.

But don’t fall in love.  Never, never fall in love with that person you miss, the one that used to be called “me.”  The past is a snare that will try it’s very best to take you away from Here and Now.  It will try to ruin the future you; the one you are becoming now.

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